Sudden Death
Grief over someone who unexpectedly dies
When someone you love dies after battling a long illness, your grief may be tempered by relief that their painful journey has finally come to an end. But grieving over someone who suddenly and unexpectedly dies, either from an accident or the onset of disease, comes with its own set of associated emotions. In many such cases, the overriding emotion is shock. So, grievers don’t immediately experience the other stages of grief.
Stages of Grief in Sudden Death
Swiss-born psychiatrist Kübler-Ross is considered a pioneer in near-death studies, having authored the groundbreaking book, On Death and Dying. In 1969, she first discussed what is now widely known as the Kübler-Ross model, which categorizes five stages of grief:
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Denial
In this initial phase, you may begin bargaining, thinking that the sudden news is wrong. This stage includes avoidance, confusion, elation, shock and fear.
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Anger
Mourners in this stage may experience frustration, irritation and anxiety.
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Bargaining
Struggling to find meaning, grievers may reach out to others and share their story, in hopes of making sense out of the loss.
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Depression
Overwhelmed, helpless, hostile and trying to flee are hallmarks of this phase of grief.
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Acceptance
The final phase of grief, this is characterized by exploring options and putting a new plan into place so the mourner can move on.
Dr. Allan Kellehear points to the importance of the book to help people process loss:
“The fundamental value of this work lies in the dialogue between two people discussing the meaning of dying. Most of this book consists of chapters that, page after page, describe simple conversations between doctor and patient about the shock of bad personal news, about the aftermath of bad news, about the mind-games that are deployed to help us come to terms with the news that we will (might?) die. But there are also stories of hope and acceptance.”
A later work, On Grief and Grieving, was co-authored by Kübler-Ross and David Kessler of Grief.com, expands on the first. Kessler explains the need for a second book:
“The stages have evolved since their introduction and have been very misunderstood over the past four decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss.”
Sudden Death & Added Emotions
When someone you love dies unexpectedly, your capacity to cope may be diminished. Without time to prepare, you could experience additional emotions, not covered in either book – disbelief and guilt. Without preparation to gradually absorb the reality that your world was about to dramatically change, you might find everyday life difficult to manage. If you are such a griever, get help to process feelings of bewilderment, anxiety, self-reproach, and depression:
- Talk to a counselor
- Find a support group
- Seek online support
- Read books about grief
About Foothill Funeral & Cremation Services
We hope you will let us help you process the grief and loss you are feeling. We would love to help you take care of the details so you can move forward with your life. Give us a call (626) 335-0615 or drop by our Glendora showroom. In Covina, our relationship with Sacred Heart Chapel is the perfect place for mourners to host funerals and memorial services in a grandiose yet intimate setting. We proudly serve the San Gabriel Valley, San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles Basin, Orange County and the Inland Empire. Working in the mortuary industry since 1996, we have worked hard to build a reputation of quality, sincerity and trust. Please allow us to help you at your time of need or in the future. Call today (626) 335-0615 or drop by our showroom.